The Principle of Surrender - Mother’s Day Message

I have been celebreated as a mother 41 times, which is the age of my oldest son. Forty-one years seems so long ago and yet the memories are as fresh as yesterday. Those first thee days were a flood of emotions. The joy, the wonder, the excitement. I even felt betrayed that no one had told me how wonderful it was to be a mother. If I had known, I would have started sooner. I was swimming in sunshine…until everything went dark.

They call it post-partum depression. I called it falling off a 100 story building into a pit. I looked at my son, so innocent and helpless and realized what I had done. I had brought an innocent, helpless child into a cruel, evil world and I was totally incapable of protecting him. Sure, I can do all the normal things parents do to protect their child, but it was just a matter of time before the world would come for him.

Maybe I was being a little dramatic, but I never forgot that helpless feeling and the utter sadness knowing my child would suffer and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. It was then I felt betrayed again. Why hadn’t anyone told me the utter fear and helplessness of being a mother?

I have two sons and six step-children. All grown. When you have that many, the odds of experienceing heart ache multidruples (no that’s not a word). Five of the eight, including my first born, suffered the devastating conquences of drug abuse. One has overcome it, but four are homeless and so deep in the abuse that it is highly unlikly they will find their way back, including my first-born who succumbed to the world’s lie.

So my Mother’s Day is always bittersweet. I am blessed that my second child is a thriving, successful, responsible, but mostly a loving son. He brings the sweetness to Mother’s Day as does the three other step-children who I am so proud of.

I often wonder if those who never birthed a child appreciate the pain they have been spared. I often envy them knowing they may envy back those who have what they don’t. It’s hard to say if it were better to never have had children, and be spared the heartache, worry, and fear. But the thought of not having them in my life scares me more.

Beautiful cards and flowers are the way most celebrate their mothers, and I cherish every single one I received over the years, and even the cards that never showed…if that makes sense. But us moms would take happy and healthy over cards and flowers. And I am grateful that although there is pain and sorrow, all my children are still here. For moms who have lost a child, this day must hold a pain only you and your sisters know.

My purpose in sharing all this gloom on a day of celebration, is to share how the grace of God has carried me all these years. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for his grace in using this sorrow for good. What good comes out of sorrow? Faith. This post is not long enough to share the incredible intercession of God as He continues to work all things together for good. I praise Him for His comfort, grace, and love.

God has used my sorrow to teach me to trust Him through the worry. pain, and frustration. But most of all, He has taught me to surrender my need to fix my children. He told me to let go and give them to Him, so I did. And in exchange, God has given me peace that passes understanding. Through this experience, I learned to trust God because he loves my children more than I possible can. If they can be healed, they will be healed. He knows what is best, even if that best means taking them home.

I have the blessing of knowing that all my children are saved, and no matter what happens, a thousand years from now we will all be celebrating with no more sorrow, and no more tears or worry. That is where I chose to place my hope. For those mothers who know what I’ve gone through, I hope you too find the peace that only God can give.

Reach out to me if you need a hug.